........

That was what went through my head as I attempted to come up with a title for what I'm going to write today. I suppose writing about my settings at this very moment will do. Apollo is finally tired and asleep on my bed, I have to make sure I don't wake him up, otherwise it will be very difficult to get him back to bed. I'm playing one of my most favorite CDs of all times, Nirwana by Ayla. My keyboard is sticking, mainly the *space* and *a* keys. I really need a new one. I suppose we should just stop the dilly-dally-ing and get on with what needs to be said/typed.

Yesterday...

I took my 2nd psychology midterm. I didn't think I did any better on this one (well not MUCH better) on this one compared to the first one, but I received a 67/75 on this one, not too shabby for never having bought/read the book, missed a couple days of class, and only started studying the night before and that morning right before the test. Although I did have my "aid". Whatever, it's summer, I'm over it.

Then after the test I figured I should go grocery shopping, so I drove all the way down to Food 4 Less, got out of the car, and said to myself, "Okay, I got my keys, my cell phone, and.... SHIT." As my head races in fast motion back to my house here, with my backpack leaned against my kitchen counter, the front center pocket of the backpack held my wallet containing my monetary assets. It was a nice drive back to home, but I didn't want to leave against just to go shopping. Hung out around the house until it was time to go to work. Work was boring, and then after work I made the second trip of the day to Food 4 Less.

The Incidents

I had a full shopping cart of groceries, and perhaps it was fate that placed me in checkout isle number 1. I pull up, and started unloading my groceries. Little did I realize that after about 5 minutes and $90.83 later, I was about to change the lives of 2 people in a very brief, yet profound way. After I had placed every item onto the conveyor belt, a fellow Asian guy about my age was standing behind me, with 2 items in his hand. I thought about it for a second, and said to him, "Is that all you have? You can go ahead of me." He replied graciously, "Really? You don't mind? Thanks man, thanks." I carefully watched the checkout clerk finish ringing out the previous customer, and halted him as he reached for the first of my items and said, "Let him go ahead of me." Right before he left he thanked me again, to which I replied with a sincere, "No problem." and gave a smile.

All good things come with bad. Within these precious moments, the couple that was ahead of me had a problem... rather, the boyfriend did. Earlier as I was first entering the entrance of the store, I read the sign (which was not the first time I've seen it) that said:

"All members of a group will be required to show proof of age when purchasing alcohol."

Seems reasonable, I mean, I can recall the many times that Andrew's illegally bought alcohol for me and it makes sense for a store to be smart about it and have this policy. So the girl (of the couple in front of me) was asked by the clerk for ID. She seemed surprised, and said, "Oh shoot, I don't have it... they've never done this before." Then she replied that she had to go out to the car to get it. All seemed fine to my eavesdropping ears, when out of no where the b/f got real pissed off. I can only remember hearing him say, "This is BS, we're never shopping here again." I started thinking thoughts of, wtf is up with this guy? he must be having a bad day or something, geezes it's just showing ID for crying out loud, it makes sense so people underage aren't buying alcohol you dipshit. The guy continued to mouth off, as the clerk looked at me and I mouthed, "What a dick" to him, and he replied quietly with, "I've seen worse." I shook my head, and as the girl came back in and showed ID, the guy came up to pay. Then the clerk said to him, "I need to see your ID too," and then the guy really lost it. He was like, "What is this?! We can't even buy alcohol? Where is your supervisor, I demand to see your supervisor!" The clerk gave a hopeless look of "alright I guess" and picked up the phone and called for a supervisor. The lady with a nice smile quickly walked over, and asked what the problem was. The dick of a customer started his complaints, "What is this? Why do I have to show my ID 2 times to this guy... " blah blah blah. The lady explained that it was their policy, and the guy eventually just accepted it and they finished paying. But it didn't stop there. As they were walked away, I heard him say to his girl, "He better be glad I didn't slap him in the face."

That was it, I couldn't hold back. The whole time I had really wanted to let loose with what I felt because of all the times when I was forced to hold my tongue as an employee of a store and not talk back, and have always wanted OTHER customers to do the talking for me. What he said last was the final straw, as I quickly said in a voice loud enough for him to hear, "Hey man, you know it's posted at the front of the store that you're supposed to show ID." He turns around and says "Screw you! It's none of your damn business!" I was really fired up, of course I didn't show it, but inside I was burning... it would've probably gotten much worse, but the girl (even before this) had been saying to the guy, "It's okay, it's okay, lets just go to the car," and apologizing for him. This guy wasn't even that big, I could take him.

Why am I such a chicken. On the drive back home I imagined anything and everything I could've possibly said to that guy. Below is some of the things I had really wanted to say/do:

It's none of my business?! I'm making it my fucking business you prick! Someone like him is just working and doing his job, so he can pay his rent/tuition to get through college, so that he can get a good job and live a good life in the future, but dicks like you in this world have to give him a hard time and he has to put up with it so he doesn't lose his job?! If you're having a bad day, go take it out somewhere else, don't come in here and act like he's here to do everything you want, the law is the law, and if you don't like it then you can piss off and go live somewhere else. Who the fuck do you think you are?

*In an alternate universe* I then pull out my handgun (unloaded or loaded with blanks) as the guy attempts to approach me to cause physical harm. Stay the FUCK BACK. No one has to die today. (People are screaming in the background that I've got a gun.) He stops dead in his tracks. Take your groceries, go to your car, and go home. Think about what you've done today, and wonder why the hell didn't this kid pull the trigger on me. Think about why did you just almost get killed because of your attitude towards a complete stranger that is doing his job and obeying the law. Think about why God allowed me to allow you to live today. Get the fuck out of this store. He leaves the store, I put my gun away and tell people that it's unloaded, and I hurrily get my things, pay, loaded my car and went home.

I know I've done at least 2 good things and made the lives of 2 people better. First the guy who I let go in front of me, because in a world that I'd like to live in, that's what I would do. Second was the clerk guy, named Jerry. A typical college guy (most likely) that has the common decency to go out and get a job to support or help support himself has to put up with crap from people like that in this world. I did and said something because that's what I would wish for more than anything else in the world if I was in Jerry's position that someone else would do for me. I'm sure both of those guys thought about what I had done that day, either immediately following or later on that day, about how this guy at Food 4 Less today did something that they wished would have been done, and it had been done and happened.

Today...

I don't even know where to start. My head is just filled with so many things, yet at the same time I'm trying to forget it all. It doesn't feel like it did when I first realized what had happened earlier this afternoon, but I'm just trying to move on. Gosh I wish I could write exactly what happened, but people see and read these blogs. I'll try something new today, because at least I would be able to read it myself and make sense out of it I guess.

I had left a I******* B****** Win*** open with a F***B*** page of **** most of the day. When I got home, I decided to r****she it. Oh wait, it says that it was u****ed 8/11... that's today! I scroll down, and in the i*****ts section it says i* a r*******ip with ____________ . My heart raced... no, it couldn't be, could it? But indeed it was true. **** had a */* at this point in time. I knew things had been going too well, I mean I had talked about it with Amanda at work and with Kara, all excited about it and everything. I had spent who knows how much time in my head, thinking about the p******al things that ** could ** if we **** **** *** on a ****. I couldn't help it, my ***** felt like the may numerous times I had felt in the past. I had to tell someone, so I texted Kara and she came on this afternoon, and I spilled the beans to her for over an hour. We came to the conclusion that at least I hadn't w***** too much **** on **** yet and that it was better for me to **** *** sonner rather than ***** when ** had al****y g**e *** once or a ****** t***s. I couldn't believe I said this myself, but it really needs to go in my profile:

Kara: Life sucks sometimes.
Me: ha, sometimes? more often than not for me, but we have no choice but to live it... and whether or not we live it in fear or looking back on those things that suck in life, or if we live it looking forward to the few good things in life among the many bad ones, is a choice we all have to make ourselves.

And so I believe I've made my choice. Move on, look forward to those things that are yet to come. I've hit many bumps in the road in the past, and this has/is definitely one of those bigger ones that give your stomach that sinking feeling that we all hate, and sends us down a spiral of mini depression mood... at least this all happens to me. So we'll move on. I've taken **** o** my b**** l*** because like I said to Kara, it's not that I don't **** ** her f*****, it's just that it p***s me when I *** h** s*** on. All I have left is to look forward to those few good things in life, like this one coming up on Sunday when I get to go to Great America with Bryan for his birthday and see Aaron as well. It should be a fun day filled with roller coasters, expensive theme park food, taking stupid pictures and making dumb videos, and just hanging out with the guys before I have to drive all the way home again.

Life is full of choices... it's hard to make the choice sometimes, and it's especially hard to try and figure out which ones are the right ones. But DAMN IT, make one.