This feeling: jealousy

Jealous
1 a: intolerant of rivalry or unfaithfulness b: disposed to suspect rivalry or unfaithfulness

... I don't like it. I HATE it. What are these biochemical reactions in our head that we call "feelings" or "emotions"? Happiness, sadness, anger, disappointment, jealousy, proudness, shamefulness - what are all of these things?

The one I am currently experiencing right now is definitely one of top 3 that makes me hate being a human being or alive. And the funny thing is that, as logical or methodical of a person that I may be, I can't seem to shake loose of this emotion I'm currently experiencing. I'm going to attempt to write down and chronicle the events leading up to this moment to the best of my ability without compromising the friendships/relationships with those people involved (the reason: well, they might read this post and THEN where will I be?)

To many people this might sound really corny or cheesy, but I think that our brain is a beautiful thing in the way that it operates - it links events, people, places, songs, food... anything you can think of - all together somehow. Those associations that get built are pretty special to me, especially when they relate to people I feel are special to me. I don't know what it is exactly but when those connections are broken by the people I associate it with, I feel...

It's hard to see the big picture sometimes. I think you just need to focus on something else for just a moment in order to bring the matter at hand back into focus and gain some perspective. Sometimes it's also helpful to have someone else who is impartial to give you their opinion through that set of eyes/ears.

When it's all said and done, it's just so stupid. Correction - I'm just too sensitive, self-centered, egotistical, and hypocritical. I can't believe that something/someone that should never be having this type of impact on my life is forcing me to feel this way. Logically, practicially, morally, and my own personal principles all tell me that I'm looking for and wanting more from someone that isn't in the position to do such things - and I really shouldn't be expecting anything from her.