A Late Resolution

I can’t quite put a finger on it – despite the fact that I have 10 at my disposal. Perhaps there’s a separate reason for each digit, but in the end it doesn’t really matter because I’ve already made up my mind. New Year’s 2011 was 37 days ago but like they say, “better late than never right?”

This year, I will travel – at least 1 different state or country per month.








The obvious question is “why?” – but instead of answering in a rhetorical “why not?” I’ll attempt to answer that inquiry with every excuse that people (including myself) use to justify not seeing more of the world that we live in.

• No time – career
• No time – family
• No time – relationship
• No money
• No destination
• Not healthy enough
• No interest
• No companion
• No logistics

After the first few, it was actually a bit hard coming up the list but I think I’ve hit most of them. Pausing to re-read the list, I’m able to confirm that there is no reason whatsoever that I shouldn’t be successfully carrying out my resolution. There is no way I could honestly use any of the above to justify as an excuse. I need to stop living in my head… I need to expand my boundaries (literally).

Life is a ritual: a routine. These regular, habitual, procedures of activities that are our day-to-day lives may seem like a wonderful and stable system to live in – but it is limited. Many people have made life decisions (sometimes forced) that shut the door on possibilities. I’m fortunate enough to still be allowed to have that choice and freedom. What then is freedom if not used?

[from my college philosophy minor notes]

“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. The future depends on what you do today.” – Mahatma Gandhi

“A man that is young in years may be old in hours, if he has lost no time.” – Francis Bacon

“Lost time is never found again.” – Benjamin Franklin

“Man is nothing else but what he purposes, he exists only in so far as he realizes himself, he is therefore nothing else but the sum of his actions, nothing else but what his life is.” – Jean-Paul Sarte

“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” – Confucius

Reflecting back on the things that I’ve experienced in life – I’ve come to the conclusion that the most rewarding and character-developing events were always the ones that I experienced for the first time. There is not (much) joy in doing something for the hundredth time when compared to the excitement and anticipation of attaining a new experience. A new memory. A new chapter to add to your book of life.

Let me ask you: are you using any of those excuses above?

Saying Goodbye

Saying goodbye is never easy. That's a pretty damn obvious statement and we've all experienced it. However there are certain varying levels, degrees, and sensations that you feel when the act of "saying goodbye" takes place - but also a lot happens in the near future as well.

I'm not even going to address the positives, because it's usually related to some feeling of resentment towards the person that you're wishing "goodbye" to... when truthfully, you'd like to wish them "badbye."

[sidebar: this reminds me of a Seinfeld quote by Elaine during one of her exchanges with Jerry, specifically addressing what people in Bizarro World (a reference to the "upside down/reverse world" in the Superman universe) and Jerry had argued that they would say "hello" when they leave, but Elaine argued for the aforementioned "badbye" response]

That leaves us with the other emotions - the negative ones that make us frown and cry. The feeling of abandonment, depression, anxiety, disappointment - unequivocal pure sadness. Does experiencing it over and over make it easier to deal with? Maybe it does, much like the way you say goodbye to your parents everyday when you leave for school as a child. Those goodbyes come second nature, and in my mind carries next to no weight or meaning. It's a greeting - much like how you say "hello" when you answer the telephone. I suppose I've just identified the word (and action, if you want to include the hand wave, hug, car honk, etc.) as being a very distinctly different thing from the "event" version of a goodbye.

The goodbye event is a very human emotion that challenges everyone in life. It can become exponentially hard to bare with depending on the circumstances. One of those deciding variables is the duration of the separation. It is almost quantifiably proportional. Having to experience the event of goodbye to someone who has passed away and the emotional weight it carries does not in any way come close to being comparable to that of someone heading off to the grocery store for an hour.

Variable number two: the known versus the unknown. Perhaps not as linear as the previous factor, but generally tends to hold true to most people. Knowing that the goodbye event will only last a predetermined period of time offers some comfort and relativity. To see the light at the end of the tunnel implies that there is an exit. But to go through the goodbye event without even the slightest insight of the "to be determined" conclusion can be torturous. You continue to wonder day after day, week after week - will that day ever come? It is quite the impossible and emotionally draining task to challenge the human brain to not just count... but count to infinity.

The last variable is the intangible and subjective one - but that's what makes it the complete x-factor. The one that multiplies and amplifies every emotion by a lot or maybe not much at all. And that's the connection of the two parties being separated. That bond... the relationship... the history. The intensity of your sad emotions during and after the event of goodbye is a direct reflection and representation of how you feel towards them. Family/relative kinship, deep and trusting/meaningful friendship, and unparalleled true love. When these connections are severed by the event of goodbye, nothing but time (and even then, as discussed above, may be working against you) will heal the wounds.

Dwelling on the negatives (as I've successfully done in the previous paragraphs) seem to be the worst thing you can do - but in reality and through deductive reasoning/theory, you can use it to your advantage. I own a book that was written by Ben Stein titled How to Ruin Your Life, in which he outlines 35 life philosophies and actions. But the reverse psychology and spin that he describes in the intro of the book is, "Follow these rules and you're guaranteed disaster. Avoid them, and you're on the high road to achievement and success." I feel that this concept can be applied with the negativity of my goodbye event analysis - and I myself will be the first person to try it out. I'm experiencing some very strong feelings as a result of a great friendship that I've recently made but won't get the opportunity to continue strengthening that bond in the foreseeable future. However...

Deep down inside, I know that the joy and happy memories are worth every future moment of unhappiness as a result of the goodbye event. I also know without a doubt in my mind, that when the day comes for more memories to be made - the sad moments will be blown out as quickly & easily as a lone flame on a candle.