Waiting and Hoping (for her)

"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow." ~ Albert Einstein

I've been doing a lot of thinking about my personal life recently. A lot. I keep running into a major fork in the road when trying to decide how I should (or need to) act in terms of finding someone. Should I be proactive and making a conscious effort? Or do I go with the flow and just let it happen? The last part of Mr. Einstein's quote "...hope for tomorrow," is what I oftentimes fall asleep saying to myself. Michael Bublé's song 'Haven't Met You Yet' has lyrics that captures this series of emotions within me perfectly.


I will highlight the parts that I connect extremely well with, and that I truely/deeply hope will come true one day.

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I'm not surprised, not everything lasts
I've broken my heart so many times, I stopped keeping track
Talk myself in, I talk myself out
I get all worked up, then I let myself down

I tried so very hard not to lose it
I came up with a million excuses
I thought, I thought of every possibility

And I know someday that it'll all turn out
You'll make me work, so we can work to work it out
And I promise you, kid, that I give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

I might have to wait, I'll never give up
I guess it's half timing, and the other half's luck
Wherever you are, whenever it's right
You'll come out of nowhere and into my life

And I know that we can be so amazing
And, baby, your love is gonna change me
And now I can see every possibility

Oh, you know it'll all turn out
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you kid to give so much more than I get
Yeah, I just haven't met you yet
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Connecting The Dots

“If you’re a new follower, send me a note and let me know how you stumbled across my twitter page. I love hearing how the connection was made.” – Julie Minevich’s Twitter wallpaper

And that’s exactly what I plan to do – because of reasons that I will in time explain. The picture is a timeline of the chain of events, which is elaborated upon below.



Monday morning had reared its ugly head and I found myself at work little tired (not unusual) and a little bored. I checked Gizmodo for the latest tech news and realized that E3 was taking place. Upon watching the Microsoft media briefing session I became infatuated with XBox's new addition Kinect and started looking for where I could order the XBox Slim, which was announced to be shipping this week (much to the media’s positive surprise). Not finding any success anywhere regarding availability on Best Buy’s website, I decided to try a new route of seeking their Facebook page for others who may have posed my question and maybe already having been answered. Their FB page led me to Best Buy’s “twelpforce” Twitter account and the top post was one made by “julieminevich” asking a question about a Canon S90.

I’d like to say that at this point I’ve fully explain how I got from point A to point Z (Julie’s Twitter) so there is no obligation whatsoever to keep reading. I would however, like to explain a very rare thing that occurred as the next short chain of events that led to a weird… I wouldn’t exactly call it an epiphany per se… but an astonishing and impressed sense of agreement.

I was about a split-second away from closing the web browser window after taking a quick overview of Julie’s website but caught the word “Blog.” I’ve always been infatuated with what people (albeit educated, articulate with words, and written from the heart) have to say/write about themselves. Upon catching the headlines of “Dating 2.0 – Best Medium for Post-Date ‘Thank You’ Message,” I was immediately hooked and dove right in because it was directly applicable to my recent personal life events. After reading the other two related blog entries and casting my votes for associated polls, I wondered: what else does she think and have to say about other things?

That was yesterday. I returned to exploring Julie’s blog again today at lunchtime in my cube. I settled on the post titled “An Invitation to Live Life” and dug into my lunch as I glanced up to read the blog in between bites. But by the 2nd paragraph I was so provoked by what I had read that I had to just put down my food and concentrate on reading. This particular entry was actually written by a friend of Julie’s, but the discussion revolved around the life of a (I’m going to use Julie’s tagline here) “twentysomething” and the uncertainties surrounding life after college and venturing into the adult world. The writer – Michal – then proceeded to pose inquries that questioned what it was that people were supposed to be doing at this point in their life.

All of this struck dead-on, a pretty big philosophical vein within me. What I mean is that I was surprised that another individual, whom I have never ever met, could have the exact same thought process and come to the ultimate, defining conclusion that I had arrived at (but through a different manner). It was an unreal feeling but one that I’ve had before on a few occasions when I was completing my philosophy minor back in college. I eventually went back and dug through my personal blog entries, and found that I had asked myself a lot of the same questions and wondered a lot about the same uncertainties roughly 20 months ago.

To this day, I don’t believe I’ve come across the answer to such questions as “When does real life start? When you are married? Have kids? Career milestone? Settled down (geographically)?” It probably has a lot to do with the fact that I haven’t been able to place a check next to any of those items or cross them off the list. But I have already come to a pretty big personal insight/breakthrough at the age of 26 that’s helped me live my life in a much more optimistic and meaningful manner:

Surely there are check-points in this journey that is your life, but if you strive to hit those – and only those – check-points, you will have lived the same life as everyone else. Is that really what you want to do? Be John-Every-Man? Nope, not this guy.

2nd Place

The thought of coming up just short of winning and taking it all - the glory, the limelight, the feeling of accomplishment and pride - has to be one of the worst feelings that humans endure. When "play to win" is the mentality, coming in as the runner-up just doesn't cut it for anyone competing in anything. You are the number 1 loser. The person/team that came oh-so-close. Your names are the ones that gets forgotten because it's not immortalized on a trophy or plaque. And as you sit/stand there watching the winner/champions celebrate in joy, your mind is at first blank but soon filled with thoughts of what went wrong or what could've been. Your heart (rate) goes from beating a million times a second - due to the adrenaline rush and excitement of being in the moment - down to what feels like a complete stop as it gets struck with feelings of remorse and disappointment (with a bit of shock).

I'm not exactly sure if I'm super/overly competitive when I sit down and think about it. I think it is a combination of various personality traits of mine that draws out the competitiveness in me. Of those characteristics, my ego is probably one of the largest contributors. I'll admit it - yes, I like being in the spotlight and showing off something that I feel that I do well. The second quality that contributes to my competitiveness is actually the perfectionist part of my upbringing/nature. If I screw up or fail because I didn't perform up to expectations to what I know I am capable of - that really ticks me off.

I suppose the best and perhaps only way to deal with it all is to be an optimist. But as a general pessimist who sees not only "the glass half empty" but oftentimes also "who failed at filling it up to the top," I personally find that incredibly hard to do sometimes. Nevertheless I've learned tricks and coping methods in my quest to develop my good sportsmanship and as a more positive person overall. While the theory of "we'll get them next time" may sometimes be applicable, often in a championship/final game situation that "next time" is a long LONG ways away. So throw that one out the door. Then there's the optimist's beautiful world of "at least we had fun," and "we got farther than everyone else." I generally try not to default to either of those two cheesy if not fake justifications that tries to cover up the reality of what actually happened (you lost!). But if the other team deserved to and earned their win... and you gave it all you could (and more), then there's nothing that says you can't walk away from the experience with absolutely no regret because you left it all on the table.

Moral of the story: always attempt to give it your best - and if you succeed in doing so but still come up short, simply shrug your shoulders, shake your head and say "oh well," and move on. Trust me, somehow you will walk away feeling okay with finishing 2nd.

I'm back!

It's been 1 year and almost 2 Months since I last posted on here. I honestly don't even know where to start. Well I suppose I could start with how/why I decided to revitalize this blog and am making a commitment to start blogging again - even if it's in a limited basis (say, once a month).

I actually stumbled upon a new friend's blog, and it's a long shot but maybe she'll read this and realize that it was because of her that inspired me to start blogging/writing again. (for clarification, her initials are A.B.) There was something about her latest entry that made me take a step back and look at my life as it stands today versus my life about a year ago when I wrote my last blog entry. I've always enjoyed writing, even if no one read any of my rambling drivel, because it helps me think about and reflect on my life, current events, and emotions that I may be going through.

I really wish to sit down and recap the void of blog entries that would somehow document and date the things I went through in the year of 2009, but I think that might be an impossible task. I'd probably have to focus on categories ranging from my work (the good and the bad), to my social life (1 relationship, a handful of new friendships), to family matters (the 2 brothers and Mom), to my dear dog, to my current living situations, and finally my 1 to 5 year plan of life in general as I start counting down these last four years before I approach turning 30 years-old.

So you know what? I'm not going to.

I'm a firm believer of not "crying over spilled milk" or in other words, focusing on what has happened in the past but rather what's to come in the future. So I will quickly address the above listed topics but relative to the future.

Click below to skip to:

My Work
My Social Life
My Family Matters
My Dog
My Day-to-day Life
My Plan

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My Work...

... has been extremely busy to say in a nutshell. It has also been filled with change, and a small amount of uncertainty. The past months I've come to learn how to go about designing physical security, how to demonstrate it, and of course how to present and sell the overall solution. The same thing could be said about digial media systems - and this one I actually like a bit more. Boring stuff aside, I'm growing closer to my manager Cindy and I really like her managing style, as well as her genuine caring and helpfulness attitude. She really takes an interest in her engineers and does her best to provide the guidane that she has (in her short history as a manager) to make us better at our jobs. At least she does with me during our weekly one-on-one meetings.

If you had asked me a couple of months ago whether I thought I would continue to stay here on the St. Louis commercial team I'd probably give you a confused and long-winded answer that's accompanied by a lot of "well it depends..." or "then again, it could be worse..." and even "I don't know." But lately I've been so involved (which is a good and a bad thing) with things at work that it's turning in a much more positive direction. I'm actually proud of what I am doing and feel that I'm appreciated by the team. The times when I start thinking about what it would take to find a new position back in California are starting to dwindle and becoming less and less frequent, if at all.

While it is forcing me to be committed and put in many more hours, work has been going well.



My Social Life

... has definitely gotten a lot more interesting and fun. Compared to 3 months ago where I had basically no outlet for my energy and practically no one hang out with to de-stress from a full work week, this aspect of my life has also taken many positive steps in the right direction.

After meeting up with Julian, Lisa (my BFF!), and Ryan for lunch over Christmas break, they've got me playing Left for Dead 2 with them. We've had about a dozen online gaming sessions since then, and it's always great to play video games with close friends - reminds me of the days during college when I was in different clans for SoF2. The 4 of us typically communicate/schedule via GMail throughout the week and play for a couple of hours on the scheduled night and we talk (communications is a must for L4D2) over their Vent server. Always great to hear the voices of friends screaming at you for help getting the zombie off their backs, ha!

Volleyball is where it all picked back up for me and acted as the catalyst for all of the great and fun things to my after-work activities. Our team plays on Thursdays, and just hanging out with these old friends (Chad, Rebecca, Elizabeth) as well as new ones (Allison, Logan, Brian) both on and off the court has really helped make my life less boring and depressing. The games themselves are great because I'm finally getting the much needed exercise during these harsh weathers that don't encourage outdoor activities. Our team is also very solid, and everyone seems to play much better indoor versus in sand. That may have something to do with just the surface we're playing on, but our team chemistry is probably just as big of a factor - with this being the 2nd league we're in together. Needless to say I am very much looking forward to each Thursday night when I get to play and hang out with my friends.

It shouldn't be a surprise when I say that I have next to nothing new to report from the standpoint of the dating world. While I had made a commitment to put forth effort into this part of my life as one of my 3 top new year's resolutions for this year, 2 months have gone by with no progress. Nevertheless, I suppose there are opportunities out there right now and it's kind of exciting to get those butterflies in your stomach again when you're in the same room as that cute girl you hope would talk to or just even look your way and smile at you.

I love my volleyball teammates/friends and know that things will get even better in the spring/summer!



My Family Matters...

... aren't extremely complicated and actually has been pretty consistent. Will and Leo are still going to Sac State, with something around 1 year left before graduation. What kind of jobs they will end up getting I have no clue, but I need to start keeping better tabs on them and forcing/helping them get their butts in gear for interviews or interships. I guess you take those things (having a job) for granted when you have a very stable and well-paying one, but it's quite a different story for those unemployed, underpaid, or new graduates that are caught in these tough times. But having said all that, the brothers are making good progress through school and having a good time. Leo's going to travel to Taiwan this summer for a vacation, of which he's been saving up $ for.

Mom's doing well, but I know she's lonely. Still working her desk job and making enough to get by while also keeping herself busy with her Chinese teachings on Friday nights and on the weekends it's been mostly church/bible study related activities. I think it's good she has those things to help keep her occupied, especially living in a big house by herself. I think at the end of the day, I have to be thankful for her health (brothers too) and that we continue to talk on a regular basis on the phone to check in on one another.



My Dog...

... I think for this one, I'll just take a picture of him and leave it at that. Apollo's doing just fine, and we had Sadie over for about 1 week last week while Dena was on vacation with her husband. Having Sadie over actually really made me appreciate how smart and well behaved Apollo really is, compared to many dogs out there in this world. He doesn't bark much at strange sounds (not too often, but he IS a great watchdog); he knows our system of going to the bathroom outside and doesn't take more than a few minutes to do his business; he doesn't snore when he sleeps at night; he is very well behaved and follows my commands; he is very friendly to just about everyone he meets for the first time and never bites anyone. Apollo turns 6 this year, I can't believe how quickly time flies.

I love my dog :)



My Day-to-day Life

... has actually become more and more consistent lately with work as busy as its ever been. I'm finding myself getting up earlier on a regular basis, and walking back into the apartment more frequently after 5PM than not. Usually when I get home it's dinner time - which makes me sound like an old person for having dinner before 6 but that has a lot to do with my eating habits that've developed thus far in 2010.

So after getting home from work, it's usually dinner followed by TV (usually basketball games) for a couple of hours. I do my rounds around the internet (Facebook, fantasy sports, etc.) before the night is pretty much over... but not before I grab 1 last snack and watch some shows on Hulu or others saved on my computer and go to bed. The weekends aren't much different, except I take care of apartment related chores (cleaning, laundry, etc.) and run some errands (grocery shopping).

I've never - not since moving out after high school - been a big breakfast person. I'd trade every second and every minute that would be spent preparing/eating breakfast for moments of lying in bed next to a warm Apollo and maybe falling into some dream or other ficticious fantasy in my mind. Plus, for some reason I'm never hungry in the morning.

Then there's lunch: I'll eat lunch, but those occasions have to really present themselves in front of me. What I mean by that is there has to be some reason for me to eat. Those reasons could be one such as having to have it with a customer/partner, or that I'm attending some event where not eating makes me stand out like some weirdo, and lastly if the lunch is free and provided to me in the office where it takes no more effort than walking to the lobby and picking it up. There's 2 main reasons why I choose to cut out (or just plain ignore) lunch. The first is that I'm trying to lose weight. While some dieticians will say that not eating forces your body to go into a "storing" mode where you actually gain weight instead of losing it - other dieticians say that a calorie is a calorie, and at the end of the day it's a total sum... so whatever you cut out, is what you've managed to lose for the day (in a good way). The 2nd reason I cut out lunch is the fact that whenever I eat anything more than a bag of chips or a couple of cookies, I become extremely sleepy/groggy in the afternoon. No amounts of caffeine can awaken me, and I find myself in embarassing situations in front of customers or going through annoying periods of extreme unproductiveness.

And there, ladies and gentlemen, is why Glen doesn't eat breakfast or lunch.



My Plan

... for the near future has actually started reshaping itself as of late. Much of it has to do with the fact that, well, I'm happier. My life has become more eventful and entertaining due to me getting out more often as a result of volleyball and the group of friends that revolve around it. My work has been less depressing and more enjoyable (as well as a bit more "stable"). All of those things contribute to how I feel about living in the state of Missouri versus California and the amount of desire that I have (or lack) of wanting to move back for what "might" or "could" be there in California.

I recall Alex telling me something in a phone conversation we were having back in fall/winter of last year when we were discussing whether I wanted to move back to California. And that was, "I know you Glen, and you're someone who is more content and prefers to have stability and consistency with your life as opposed to the opposite." And I think he's right, I do feel better when things aren't constantly changing or seems out of my control. Moving back to California is obviously a huge move and a drastic change that would have a lot of moving parts and in a way almost forcing me to start my life over yet again. Finding a new place, more than likely adjusting to a new job (albeit with Cisco), and even the friends that I may already have there might not make up for everything else I'd have to settle into. In all honesty, it would require quite a lot of things to persuade me to make that call as of today.


And as of today, I'm quite happy - which says a lot considering all of the great things I already have lined up for and that I'm looking very much forward to in the near future (and later this year).

~ Glen